Blah. Feeling like crap now.
Well, my parents sold the house, so within 30-45 days, they're moving. That's a huge deal for me, I've never been good away from them. But mom said she might be buying me a horse (sweet!), and that maybe, since I've been talking about moving recently, maybe I could move up to that area. I'm not too comfortable with my parents' health problems as of late, and I'm really starting to worry about them. And I'm afraid that something's going to happen and I'm not going to be close enough to get to them. Yes, I understand that it's stupid to plan my life around following them, but... I also don't want to be that far away from them. Blah.
So, I brought it up with Lexi, which was stupid, I should've known better, I must've forgotten what kind of hell it was getting her to make up her mind about moving down here in the first place, I know how much she hates change, no matter what she says to the contrary.
So, she seemed to get mad at me because of the fact that I'm "following" my parents. I think that she resents that she moved down here, so far away from her family, and now I realize how stupid it was to ask her to move in the first place. Yeah, it was good for her and all, you should see her now, she's doing so well, but... I don't really think she's all that happy being here. She doesn't have any friends here, besides me, she's got no way to get around, she's got no money to do stuff with... *shakes head* Maybe I really was being selfish when I prodded her to move down here with me. I mean, look at me now. I've got no friends here, nothing to do, nothing holding me here except for the fact that I love the Bay Area. I could pick up and move at any time, and I want to do the same thing I tried to talk her out of doing: Staying near home because of family.
God, I'm crying now, I just feel like such a dumbass for everything, I feel dumb for wanting to toddle after my parents, I feel stupid for worrying, I feel stupid for asking her to move down here with me in the first place, I just... I just wanted to make things better for her, I thought she'd do better here, jobs and everything. But look at us. We're barely making it paycheck to paycheck, and school's coming up, and I've gotta pay for my classes and crap on my own cause I shot my mouth off and told mom and dad that I would, but classes start this month and I'm broke. Blah, I knew I'd never make this work, it was stupid to even try, everyone and everything was better off how it was before I walked in and screwed it all up. I really don't think I've ever bettered anybody's life, all I've done is cause people their biggest heartaches and ripped them away from their families and alienated everyone close to me.
I need to walk away from this, I'm so tired of hurting people that're close to me, I just think I need to be alone.
Name-Cheska
Age-22
School-Life
Graduated from- Gryffindor
bday-10/19
[[ The Wishlist ]]
New wand!
Best friend's last autobiography
Torture the potions master in horrible, violent ways
New broom
Punch Percy in face
Bring Sirius back to life
Get Ron and Hermione to finally date
Make Umbridge disappear
Bring Dumbledore back to life!!!!
Buy a hippogriff
Buy a dragon
Lexi's Blog
Thalionmorgul
My Art Gallery
Inu vs. Sess (Our gaming review blog)
Da creater
Blah. Feeling like crap now.
Well, my parents sold the house, so within 30-45 days, they're moving. That's a huge deal for me, I've never been good away from them. But mom said she might be buying me a horse (sweet!), and that maybe, since I've been talking about moving recently, maybe I could move up to that area. I'm not too comfortable with my parents' health problems as of late, and I'm really starting to worry about them. And I'm afraid that something's going to happen and I'm not going to be close enough to get to them. Yes, I understand that it's stupid to plan my life around following them, but... I also don't want to be that far away from them. Blah.
So, I brought it up with Lexi, which was stupid, I should've known better, I must've forgotten what kind of hell it was getting her to make up her mind about moving down here in the first place, I know how much she hates change, no matter what she says to the contrary.
So, she seemed to get mad at me because of the fact that I'm "following" my parents. I think that she resents that she moved down here, so far away from her family, and now I realize how stupid it was to ask her to move in the first place. Yeah, it was good for her and all, you should see her now, she's doing so well, but... I don't really think she's all that happy being here. She doesn't have any friends here, besides me, she's got no way to get around, she's got no money to do stuff with... *shakes head* Maybe I really was being selfish when I prodded her to move down here with me. I mean, look at me now. I've got no friends here, nothing to do, nothing holding me here except for the fact that I love the Bay Area. I could pick up and move at any time, and I want to do the same thing I tried to talk her out of doing: Staying near home because of family.
God, I'm crying now, I just feel like such a dumbass for everything, I feel dumb for wanting to toddle after my parents, I feel stupid for worrying, I feel stupid for asking her to move down here with me in the first place, I just... I just wanted to make things better for her, I thought she'd do better here, jobs and everything. But look at us. We're barely making it paycheck to paycheck, and school's coming up, and I've gotta pay for my classes and crap on my own cause I shot my mouth off and told mom and dad that I would, but classes start this month and I'm broke. Blah, I knew I'd never make this work, it was stupid to even try, everyone and everything was better off how it was before I walked in and screwed it all up. I really don't think I've ever bettered anybody's life, all I've done is cause people their biggest heartaches and ripped them away from their families and alienated everyone close to me.
I need to walk away from this, I'm so tired of hurting people that're close to me, I just think I need to be alone.