Tuesday, November 11, 2003

\Friend"ship\, n. [AS. fre['o]ndscipe. See Friend, and -ship.] 1. The state of being friends; friendly relation, or attachment, to a person, or between persons; affection arising from mutual esteem and good will; friendliness; amity; good will.

Bleh.
Just got back from the mall, Lex and I had a fight. Gah, I'm just like.... Well, I'd like to say I'm waiting for an appology, but I doubt that'll ever happen. It's like, how much shit am I supposed to put up with before I can't take it anymore? And when I do say something, she makes me feel like shit. Like I should just keep taking it and never say anything about it? We're both under a lot of stress right now, and she acts as if I've got it easy, as if I don't feel like crap, and so I should just let her be mean to me. I'm tired of just lying down and taking everything life throws my way, and I won't take it from Lexi or anyone anymore, I'm tired of it. Friendship: Goes both ways.
I've always been there for her, always, and frankly, she sometimes treats me as if I'm nothing to her. I know she regrets things that weren't said enough or at all in some of her past relationships, but if she's scared of that happening again, why doesn't she start by treating me like I treat her, tell me what I mean to her, if anything? She knows what she means to me, I've never left that to question. But she's never said anything to me about what I mean to her. Which worries me. And it scares me. Are we only friends when times are good for her? Or when she needs me to stand by her side? Because any other time I do, she shoves me away and ignores me, and then patronizes me for over reacting and being too sensative and imagining things.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go on with this until I know exactly what I am to her, and maybe get an appology and an explaination of what the fuck happened tonight.

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|5:29 PM|


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