"No vexing...."
Blah, I'm sitting here, it's like, two in the morning, and I just can't stop thinking about the fight I had with my dad today. Lex and I were housesitting my old house for my parents while they were gone for the weekend at a show. So, that's all fine and good, then they get home earlier than I expected, and I didn't have the house cleaned up. So, mom freaks out, and she goes and tells dad, who never even sees the house before I cleaned it. So, my parents leave to go put the booth back in the shed, and Lex and I clean up hella fast, and we did a damn good job of it, too. Everything was pristine when they got back, and so then, dad comes in and says, "I need to talk to you." Great, those convos always go oh so well.....
So, he starts in on me, about how I should have respect for the house, since it's not mine, and they'd never treat my place like that if they were taking care of it, and blah blah, biddy blah blah, I'm so stuffy, give me a scone..... Sorry, I'm getting distracted easily. Heh. So, yeah, then dad says, "And we didn't tell you it was ok for Lexi to be here, are you guys joined at the hip or something?" I said, "Well, we were over here, watching movies and staying at the house so the animals would be ok. I'm sorry." He says, "No, I don't want to hear sorry." I said, "Ok, fine, then I'm not sorry." And he says, "I know you're not, so just cut it out." That hurt me so bad. Especially coming from my dad, who's the one I could always turn to when I fought with mom, and I just sat there and stared at him. He said that if I didn't take care of the house and show it the respect it deserves, and don't do the dishes every night when I'm taking care of the house, that I might not be asked back again. That was it, I just lost it, but I managed to keep my cool, which was good. I didn't even start crying until after, which I was proud of myself for. Oh, we'd also moved the birdcage into the other room because the birds were screaming and we were trying to sleep, and so mom went and told dad about that, too. Finally, I just said, "Is that it?" And he said, "Yes, that's all." And I just got up and walked out.
I hurt so much right now, I don't think they know how badly they hurt my feelings. I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't demolish the house, all the animals were still alive, and they were happy and fed and everything, but no, two things weren't done when they got back, so suddenly, it's grounds for not inviting me back to the house again! And all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry and cry and cry. I'd also told dad that I wanted to talk to him about him helping me with rent this month, because I haven't gotten one call back yet, and then he follows me into the other room and goes, "So, when am I going to see my name off the lease, if ever, which I doubt?" I just said, "As soon as possible." And then I walked out. I mean, c'mon, aren't parents supposed to be understanding? If I'd destroyed the house, then yeah, I'd understand what they said. But over something so trivial, it hurt me pretty badly. I'm having a hell of a time right now, with the meds and the lack of a job and just constantly trying to please my parents.... I don't ever want to go to my house, all I ever get are the, "I'm so disappointed in you" speeches, and all it does is make me feel like crap. It's not right and it's not fair and they shouldn't be doing that to me. It's my choice to live my life how I want, and all I ever get is smacked in the face with "disappointed". Hell, I didn't even feel welcome over there when it was my birthday. My sister is more welcome over there than I am, and my mom isn't even her mom! *shakes head* It makes me sad and it makes me sick that my parents don't approve of me because I'm doing what I want to do with my life. That's sick, and it's wrong. And my mom's going through a hard time right now, and I try to be there for her, but I can't keep trying when I get slapped in the face with it, you know? All I've ever done is try and make them happy, I've tried and I've tried and I've tried, and the one time that I finally decide to spread my own wings and do something that I want to do, I'm slapped down and told that I'm disappointing. Well, by who's fucking standards, huh? Since when was it their standards became mine? Can't I be my own person? And the more I try to be myself, find out who I am, the more they tighten down and discourage me. Well, I'm not walking their path anymore. It's not their choice what I do with my life. I'm not going to be a loser, and I'm not going to squander my life, I'm not going to go down the gutter like my older brother, so they can just back up off my ass and let me get on with the business of living.
Name-Cheska
Age-22
School-Life
Graduated from- Gryffindor
bday-10/19
[[ The Wishlist ]]
New wand!
Best friend's last autobiography
Torture the potions master in horrible, violent ways
New broom
Punch Percy in face
Bring Sirius back to life
Get Ron and Hermione to finally date
Make Umbridge disappear
Bring Dumbledore back to life!!!!
Buy a hippogriff
Buy a dragon
Lexi's Blog
Thalionmorgul
My Art Gallery
Inu vs. Sess (Our gaming review blog)
Da creater
"No vexing...."
Blah, I'm sitting here, it's like, two in the morning, and I just can't stop thinking about the fight I had with my dad today. Lex and I were housesitting my old house for my parents while they were gone for the weekend at a show. So, that's all fine and good, then they get home earlier than I expected, and I didn't have the house cleaned up. So, mom freaks out, and she goes and tells dad, who never even sees the house before I cleaned it. So, my parents leave to go put the booth back in the shed, and Lex and I clean up hella fast, and we did a damn good job of it, too. Everything was pristine when they got back, and so then, dad comes in and says, "I need to talk to you." Great, those convos always go oh so well.....
So, he starts in on me, about how I should have respect for the house, since it's not mine, and they'd never treat my place like that if they were taking care of it, and blah blah, biddy blah blah, I'm so stuffy, give me a scone..... Sorry, I'm getting distracted easily. Heh. So, yeah, then dad says, "And we didn't tell you it was ok for Lexi to be here, are you guys joined at the hip or something?" I said, "Well, we were over here, watching movies and staying at the house so the animals would be ok. I'm sorry." He says, "No, I don't want to hear sorry." I said, "Ok, fine, then I'm not sorry." And he says, "I know you're not, so just cut it out." That hurt me so bad. Especially coming from my dad, who's the one I could always turn to when I fought with mom, and I just sat there and stared at him. He said that if I didn't take care of the house and show it the respect it deserves, and don't do the dishes every night when I'm taking care of the house, that I might not be asked back again. That was it, I just lost it, but I managed to keep my cool, which was good. I didn't even start crying until after, which I was proud of myself for. Oh, we'd also moved the birdcage into the other room because the birds were screaming and we were trying to sleep, and so mom went and told dad about that, too. Finally, I just said, "Is that it?" And he said, "Yes, that's all." And I just got up and walked out.
I hurt so much right now, I don't think they know how badly they hurt my feelings. I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't demolish the house, all the animals were still alive, and they were happy and fed and everything, but no, two things weren't done when they got back, so suddenly, it's grounds for not inviting me back to the house again! And all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry and cry and cry. I'd also told dad that I wanted to talk to him about him helping me with rent this month, because I haven't gotten one call back yet, and then he follows me into the other room and goes, "So, when am I going to see my name off the lease, if ever, which I doubt?" I just said, "As soon as possible." And then I walked out. I mean, c'mon, aren't parents supposed to be understanding? If I'd destroyed the house, then yeah, I'd understand what they said. But over something so trivial, it hurt me pretty badly. I'm having a hell of a time right now, with the meds and the lack of a job and just constantly trying to please my parents.... I don't ever want to go to my house, all I ever get are the, "I'm so disappointed in you" speeches, and all it does is make me feel like crap. It's not right and it's not fair and they shouldn't be doing that to me. It's my choice to live my life how I want, and all I ever get is smacked in the face with "disappointed". Hell, I didn't even feel welcome over there when it was my birthday. My sister is more welcome over there than I am, and my mom isn't even her mom! *shakes head* It makes me sad and it makes me sick that my parents don't approve of me because I'm doing what I want to do with my life. That's sick, and it's wrong. And my mom's going through a hard time right now, and I try to be there for her, but I can't keep trying when I get slapped in the face with it, you know? All I've ever done is try and make them happy, I've tried and I've tried and I've tried, and the one time that I finally decide to spread my own wings and do something that I want to do, I'm slapped down and told that I'm disappointing. Well, by who's fucking standards, huh? Since when was it their standards became mine? Can't I be my own person? And the more I try to be myself, find out who I am, the more they tighten down and discourage me. Well, I'm not walking their path anymore. It's not their choice what I do with my life. I'm not going to be a loser, and I'm not going to squander my life, I'm not going to go down the gutter like my older brother, so they can just back up off my ass and let me get on with the business of living.