Welcome to my next pity party. I wish I could get away from them, but I can't seem to no matter what I try.
Gah, just feeling funky, don't want to go home, have to go, have so much to do when I get there, have to deal with my parents, have to deal with Tiarra, have to deal with just random bullshit. Have to deal with the normal crap, too, wanting to be with someone and having no one. It's the one thing that I can't get out of my head, I'm surrounded by couples, I can't get away from it. They're so happy, and it just keeps on reminding me how much I need and want someone. And a lot of the time, I don't feel like I'm seriously needed, I feel that if I disappeared, nobody would have that much of a problem with it. I mean, nobody's world would stop turning if I just went away. Sure, people would be upset, but they'd be able to survive without me, and that bothers me. I see all these people around me that have someone, people that would have a heart attack if they disappeared. I want someone that I can cuddle with, someone that loves me like I love them. It hurts me deep inside to not have that, and I really wish to be able to shut it off, to ignore it, to push it away. I want to be able to have peace in my mind, from my mind, from it all. I've tried to talk it out with a few people, and I know everybody means well, I just can't shut my mind off, can't shut off the worries and sadness and loneliness. Sometimes, I feel like I'm going to drown in it, sometimes I realize that I keep going through each day just out of sheer morbid curiosity, to see what's going to happen next, just to see how bad it's really going to get before life gives me a break, IF life's going to give me a break. And as every day goes by, I keep realizing how little promise that if carries with it. Some days it just seems like it would be so much easier to end it all, to not have to deal with it anymore. It's gotten so bad lately that I've started crying in public places, and I'm so worried that if I really start crying, I'm never going to stop. I can't find anything to take comfort in anymore, nothing to keep me going, to get my mind off of the fight. I was always able to find something that could get my mind off of it, I could refocus myself on something else, but I can't anymore. I can't get rid of it, can't breathe, I want to just start crying right now, want to scream out my pain and run and never look back, or maybe punch something, want to work it out of my system. It's just........ Intoxicating, and in a bad way. I just can't figure out anything that would work. Maybe I'll go for a jog.
Blarg.
Name-Cheska
Age-22
School-Life
Graduated from- Gryffindor
bday-10/19
[[ The Wishlist ]]
New wand!
Best friend's last autobiography
Torture the potions master in horrible, violent ways
New broom
Punch Percy in face
Bring Sirius back to life
Get Ron and Hermione to finally date
Make Umbridge disappear
Bring Dumbledore back to life!!!!
Buy a hippogriff
Buy a dragon
Lexi's Blog
Thalionmorgul
My Art Gallery
Inu vs. Sess (Our gaming review blog)
Da creater
Welcome to my next pity party. I wish I could get away from them, but I can't seem to no matter what I try.
Gah, just feeling funky, don't want to go home, have to go, have so much to do when I get there, have to deal with my parents, have to deal with Tiarra, have to deal with just random bullshit. Have to deal with the normal crap, too, wanting to be with someone and having no one. It's the one thing that I can't get out of my head, I'm surrounded by couples, I can't get away from it. They're so happy, and it just keeps on reminding me how much I need and want someone. And a lot of the time, I don't feel like I'm seriously needed, I feel that if I disappeared, nobody would have that much of a problem with it. I mean, nobody's world would stop turning if I just went away. Sure, people would be upset, but they'd be able to survive without me, and that bothers me. I see all these people around me that have someone, people that would have a heart attack if they disappeared. I want someone that I can cuddle with, someone that loves me like I love them. It hurts me deep inside to not have that, and I really wish to be able to shut it off, to ignore it, to push it away. I want to be able to have peace in my mind, from my mind, from it all. I've tried to talk it out with a few people, and I know everybody means well, I just can't shut my mind off, can't shut off the worries and sadness and loneliness. Sometimes, I feel like I'm going to drown in it, sometimes I realize that I keep going through each day just out of sheer morbid curiosity, to see what's going to happen next, just to see how bad it's really going to get before life gives me a break, IF life's going to give me a break. And as every day goes by, I keep realizing how little promise that if carries with it. Some days it just seems like it would be so much easier to end it all, to not have to deal with it anymore. It's gotten so bad lately that I've started crying in public places, and I'm so worried that if I really start crying, I'm never going to stop. I can't find anything to take comfort in anymore, nothing to keep me going, to get my mind off of the fight. I was always able to find something that could get my mind off of it, I could refocus myself on something else, but I can't anymore. I can't get rid of it, can't breathe, I want to just start crying right now, want to scream out my pain and run and never look back, or maybe punch something, want to work it out of my system. It's just........ Intoxicating, and in a bad way. I just can't figure out anything that would work. Maybe I'll go for a jog.
Blarg.