*Rubs face with a hand* Man, these last two weeks have been sent straight from hell.
Now that we've kinda reached a somewhat steady place with Chris, I had to land my own ass into trouble. And a world of hurt.
I was doing ok for a while, because I realized that Lexi needed me to be strong, I didn't have time to think about my own problems, they weren't really important anyway, I'd deal with it later. But now, now that things have started to calm down a little, I've had more time, LOTS more time, to think about what happened last weekend.
And the regrets haven't stopped yet.
I drank. God, did I drink. I started early and didn't stop till late, and the only excuse I have is that I was stressed, what with what was going on with Chris. So, I caved and had a drink. And another one. And another one. And after a while, I stopped counting.
Yeah, if that was the worst part of this whole thing, I wouldn't be having so many problems.
His name was Ian.
And boy, he was HOT. And I don't mean just, regular everyday, see him at the mall and go, "Hmm, wouldn't mind dating him." He's the one you follow around to every store he goes to.
Yeah, well, his roommate is the girl who I was drinking with.
To make a long story short, I wound up in bed with him that night, all night.
No, I didn't have sex with him, but we didn't just sleep, either.
Well, come morning time, he has to go to work, leaves, and I go home. Realizing I left some things there, I went back two days later, and his roommate looks at me as if I'm the LAST person she wanted to see at that moment. Turns out no less than 48 hours later, he's screwing some other girl with my stuff on the bedside table next to him.
And the thing that really gets to me is, that night, before anything happened, he asked me what I was thinking. And I told him, "Ian, I just don't want to get hurt, just don't hurt me. Please." And this happens. *shrugs and sighs* And now that things are calming down with Chris, I've had nothing much else to think about except for.... Well, my problems. I don't want to think about my problems, I'd rather bother with everyone else's. This stuff's not fair, it's really not. I just feel..... Well, abandoned. And used. God, do I feel used. To know he didn't want me for me, which I should've expected, but...... It's so depressing, and degrading. God, do I feel..... Well, everything. I feel everything right now, I can't even sort through it. I feel disappointed and stupid. Man, that one bites more than anything. SOOOOOOO stupid.
Blarg. I'm done for this blog.
Name-Cheska
Age-22
School-Life
Graduated from- Gryffindor
bday-10/19
[[ The Wishlist ]]
New wand!
Best friend's last autobiography
Torture the potions master in horrible, violent ways
New broom
Punch Percy in face
Bring Sirius back to life
Get Ron and Hermione to finally date
Make Umbridge disappear
Bring Dumbledore back to life!!!!
Buy a hippogriff
Buy a dragon
Lexi's Blog
Thalionmorgul
My Art Gallery
Inu vs. Sess (Our gaming review blog)
Da creater
*Rubs face with a hand* Man, these last two weeks have been sent straight from hell.
Now that we've kinda reached a somewhat steady place with Chris, I had to land my own ass into trouble. And a world of hurt.
I was doing ok for a while, because I realized that Lexi needed me to be strong, I didn't have time to think about my own problems, they weren't really important anyway, I'd deal with it later. But now, now that things have started to calm down a little, I've had more time, LOTS more time, to think about what happened last weekend.
And the regrets haven't stopped yet.
I drank. God, did I drink. I started early and didn't stop till late, and the only excuse I have is that I was stressed, what with what was going on with Chris. So, I caved and had a drink. And another one. And another one. And after a while, I stopped counting.
Yeah, if that was the worst part of this whole thing, I wouldn't be having so many problems.
His name was Ian.
And boy, he was HOT. And I don't mean just, regular everyday, see him at the mall and go, "Hmm, wouldn't mind dating him." He's the one you follow around to every store he goes to.
Yeah, well, his roommate is the girl who I was drinking with.
To make a long story short, I wound up in bed with him that night, all night.
No, I didn't have sex with him, but we didn't just sleep, either.
Well, come morning time, he has to go to work, leaves, and I go home. Realizing I left some things there, I went back two days later, and his roommate looks at me as if I'm the LAST person she wanted to see at that moment. Turns out no less than 48 hours later, he's screwing some other girl with my stuff on the bedside table next to him.
And the thing that really gets to me is, that night, before anything happened, he asked me what I was thinking. And I told him, "Ian, I just don't want to get hurt, just don't hurt me. Please." And this happens. *shrugs and sighs* And now that things are calming down with Chris, I've had nothing much else to think about except for.... Well, my problems. I don't want to think about my problems, I'd rather bother with everyone else's. This stuff's not fair, it's really not. I just feel..... Well, abandoned. And used. God, do I feel used. To know he didn't want me for me, which I should've expected, but...... It's so depressing, and degrading. God, do I feel..... Well, everything. I feel everything right now, I can't even sort through it. I feel disappointed and stupid. Man, that one bites more than anything. SOOOOOOO stupid.
Blarg. I'm done for this blog.