Back to the pity party. Care to join me?
Yeah, well, the thing with Tom is just getting more and more uncomfortable, and I'm just getting sadder and sadder and sadder. I'm really down, about pretty much everything except the trip. I'm just..... Blah. I'm being hard on Tiarra, we're fighting a lot more now, and it's all just coming back to this relationship issue, or lack thereof. I just feel so.... Deflated. That's the best word I can use for this whole damn thing. Deflated. It takes effort to fill my lungs with air, and it feels like there's a rock in my stomach. I just keep thinking, "If I was really worth anything, somebody would've wanted me by now." I can't help but feel completely..... Unwanted. And I hate that damn, "You'll find someone someday" phrase. It just makes me want to beat the hell out of the person who says it ever damn time. It always comes across so patronizing, and every time, I just want to unload on the person and say, "F#CK YOU! You don't know ANYTHING about being lonely!!! If you did, you wouldn't say that to me!!!" I hear it from all the happy couples, all the time, and it just always makes me feel dumb, and I hate it that it's intended to give hope, and in one of the dumbest ways. It just..... grrrrrr...... It's so easy for them to say something like that, it's like a bandaid for people who don't want to deal with others being upset. I just think to myself, "You've got somebody, it's SO easy for you to say that when you've got somebody, so you can just shut your trap, you've obviously forgotten what it's like to feel like this, otherwise you'd never say that to me. NEVER." I just always feel like I'm going to scream or crawl out of my skin every time I hear that phrase. I know I've said it like, once, and I'm vowing never to say it again.
And I know that people get tired of hearing me complain about this whole deal, but truthfully, I think I've got a right to complain about it. It's been this way for almost 20 years now, and nothing's changed, except the fact that there's gotten to be more drama the longer I live. I always get closer each time, and each time it gets yanked away just the same, if not worse. Right out from my grasp. And it hurts more each time, and each time it takes me just that little bit longer to recover and try again, only to be slapped around and put down again. I can't keep getting up and dusting myself off, I'm getting so tired of it, and the dirt and grime I pick up every time is starting to stick more and more, it's getting harder to clean it off and clear it away. It's weighing me down, there's no doubt about that. I just want to cry all the time, and I want to give up on the whole deal. I feel really worthless and ugly and fat and just completely unwanted. And although everybody says that's not the way it is, i have a hard time believing that rebuttle when I'm still all alone and nobody's shown any interest in me whatsoever. One of those, "Looks like a pig, walks like a pig, smells like a pig, must be a pig" deal.
Name-Cheska
Age-22
School-Life
Graduated from- Gryffindor
bday-10/19
[[ The Wishlist ]]
New wand!
Best friend's last autobiography
Torture the potions master in horrible, violent ways
New broom
Punch Percy in face
Bring Sirius back to life
Get Ron and Hermione to finally date
Make Umbridge disappear
Bring Dumbledore back to life!!!!
Buy a hippogriff
Buy a dragon
Lexi's Blog
Thalionmorgul
My Art Gallery
Inu vs. Sess (Our gaming review blog)
Da creater
Back to the pity party. Care to join me?
Yeah, well, the thing with Tom is just getting more and more uncomfortable, and I'm just getting sadder and sadder and sadder. I'm really down, about pretty much everything except the trip. I'm just..... Blah. I'm being hard on Tiarra, we're fighting a lot more now, and it's all just coming back to this relationship issue, or lack thereof. I just feel so.... Deflated. That's the best word I can use for this whole damn thing. Deflated. It takes effort to fill my lungs with air, and it feels like there's a rock in my stomach. I just keep thinking, "If I was really worth anything, somebody would've wanted me by now." I can't help but feel completely..... Unwanted. And I hate that damn, "You'll find someone someday" phrase. It just makes me want to beat the hell out of the person who says it ever damn time. It always comes across so patronizing, and every time, I just want to unload on the person and say, "F#CK YOU! You don't know ANYTHING about being lonely!!! If you did, you wouldn't say that to me!!!" I hear it from all the happy couples, all the time, and it just always makes me feel dumb, and I hate it that it's intended to give hope, and in one of the dumbest ways. It just..... grrrrrr...... It's so easy for them to say something like that, it's like a bandaid for people who don't want to deal with others being upset. I just think to myself, "You've got somebody, it's SO easy for you to say that when you've got somebody, so you can just shut your trap, you've obviously forgotten what it's like to feel like this, otherwise you'd never say that to me. NEVER." I just always feel like I'm going to scream or crawl out of my skin every time I hear that phrase. I know I've said it like, once, and I'm vowing never to say it again.
And I know that people get tired of hearing me complain about this whole deal, but truthfully, I think I've got a right to complain about it. It's been this way for almost 20 years now, and nothing's changed, except the fact that there's gotten to be more drama the longer I live. I always get closer each time, and each time it gets yanked away just the same, if not worse. Right out from my grasp. And it hurts more each time, and each time it takes me just that little bit longer to recover and try again, only to be slapped around and put down again. I can't keep getting up and dusting myself off, I'm getting so tired of it, and the dirt and grime I pick up every time is starting to stick more and more, it's getting harder to clean it off and clear it away. It's weighing me down, there's no doubt about that. I just want to cry all the time, and I want to give up on the whole deal. I feel really worthless and ugly and fat and just completely unwanted. And although everybody says that's not the way it is, i have a hard time believing that rebuttle when I'm still all alone and nobody's shown any interest in me whatsoever. One of those, "Looks like a pig, walks like a pig, smells like a pig, must be a pig" deal.